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StrengthsThe opening line creates immediate curiosity, why is the narrator surprised the ruins are still intact? Works well as a hook.
The detail about the torches and cloaks blending with darkness creates a strong visual and a genuine sense of disorientation.
Areas for ImprovementSentence flow: The second sentence is a run-on. Try breaking it into two or three shorter sentences for clarity.
Awkward phrasing: “Arriving at just half an hour before midnight, all fifty members… picked up the pace” is grammatically off. The introductory clause doesn’t clearly attach to the subject.
Passive construction: “making it difficult to pinpoint who was going where” could be tightened to something like “making it hard to track who was going where.”
CharacterizationThe narrator’s voice is distinct, casually mentioning they last visited “four hundred years ago” suggests immortality or a very long lifespan. This is intriguing but could use a slightly stronger hint earlier to orient the reader.
Final ThoughtsA solid atmospheric opening with a compelling narrator. Clean up the sentence structure and clarify the timeline/pacing of their entrance, and this will read much more smoothly.