so is the feedback helpful, you can contaact me on my gmsil if you want me to ontinue withe the next part.

Overall First ImpressionA creepy, tightly paced horror micro-story with a strong visual punch. The final reveal lands effectively, simple, unsettling, and memorable.
StrengthsThe Reveal: The last line is the story's anchor. It's short, declarative, and lingers.
Atmospheric Buildup: Details build nicely, the pale face, the fixed stare, the rotten smell, the repetitive walking. Each adds a layer of unease.
Point of View: Staying tightly in Vina's perspective makes the reveal feel earned rather than omniscient.
Areas for ImprovementSentence StructureSeveral sentences are run-ons. Breaking them into shorter, clearer units would improve readability.
Example: "She looked normal besides her face seemed pale and her eyes always looked straight" → "She looked normal, aside from her pale face and eyes that stared straight ahead."
Small Errors
"in office suits" → "in an office suit" or "wearing office attire"
"there was a smell from her" → "a smell came from her"
"attendant" → likely means flight attendant
Tense ConsistencyThe story shifts between past and present tense. Choose one and maintain it.
Pacing of the RevealThe moment Vina turns to look at the walking lady could be stretched by a single beat, "She turned. Her breath caught.", to give the final line more impact.
Final ThoughtsThis is an effective flash horror piece. With minor polishing on sentence structure and tense, it would be tighter and even more chilling. The image of a legless woman pacing endlessly beside her own sleeping body is genuinely unnerving, a solid hook for a longer story if you choose to expand it.

Hey,
I came across your story recently and really enjoyed reading it. Your writing paints such clear images in the mind, and it made the story feel very cinematic. Because of that, I couldn’t help but imagine how amazing it could look as a webtoon or comic.
I’m a commissioned comic artist, and I’d love to create visuals inspired by your story if that’s something you'd ever be interested in exploring. Absolutely no pressure, I simply wanted to reach out because your story left a great impression on me.
If you'd ever like to chat about the idea, you can reach me on Discord (lunapuresoul) or Instagram (lunaartsoul).
Best regards,Luna

I’ve identified a strategy that could significantly boost your story’s visibility and reader engagement. Interested in a quick chat?

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